Girl Talk: On Reticence

I was part of the University's English Undergraduate Conference at the end of spring semester, and I had a really thought-provoking conversation with one of our faculty that keeps being relevant every day since. . . .

After attending several sessions throughout the day, Judith and a colleague mentioned the prevalence of modest apologies coming from the women. Without fail, the women presenting prefaced their papers with apologies for language and content. Even if quoting directly as support for their papers, women felt the need to apologize for swearing, use of "crude language," or discussing sex and violence. 

Meanwhile, the men (and I must admit, we attract far less men in the English department) confidently went forth with coarse language and content. There was no obligation, whether real or perceived, to justify what they said. 

Judith said after, "I was stunned by the compulsion to apologize for presenting intellectually provoking idea. And then I realized that they were all women. It's 2014 here; what's the issue?"

And really, what is the issue? I completely understand practicing modesty, and I think being a "class-act" is rarified these days (do I sound old or what?). However, I continually find myself frustrated that women feel as though they must comply to a different set of social/behavioral standards; and on the flip side, I'm appalled that men think they are exempt from polite behavior. 

It would be so nice to see a social setting in which both men and women were playing by the same rules. It would also be quite shocking, no? What do you think you would see that was different? I'd love your thoughts!

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Girl Talk: On Feminism

Have you noticed a spike in Feminism lately? It seems as though women everywhere are working together to build a beautiful, powerful voice. No one is burning bras, but a female power is definitely surging. 

It's inspiring to see women helping each other. Too often there is animosity in the estrogen world. As SNL's Nasim Pedrad playing Arianna Huffington so eloquently put it during Weekend Update, "Nobody hates women more than other women." It's tragic, but often true.

So when I see a growing female community effort, it excites me.

There's something, though, that often bothers me when it comes to "feminism." It's treated like it's a bad, or frivolous, or eccentric hobby. While delivered with a wry smile, a man saying, "Oh, you're suuuch a feminist!" offends me. It's clear that these comments are somewhat deflection tactics; men are, unfortunately, intimidated by independent, intellectual, empowered women.

Here's what I'm thinking:

The feminism we're seeing right now is not misandry, so men, please don't mistake our empowerment for man-shaming. I think the trend we're seeing right now is equality. My creative sister will often say, "I'm not a feminist, I am a supporter of equality, empowerment, and community," which I find so refreshing.

It's not about drawing a divisive line between men and women. It's about treating women as if there need not be a line in the first place.

If you want to know more about what's happening in the world of "feminism," please check out these sites:

DARLING Magazine
The Lean In movement
SoulPancake and Darling teamed up for a great series, That's What She Said