Girl Talk: On Feminism

Have you noticed a spike in Feminism lately? It seems as though women everywhere are working together to build a beautiful, powerful voice. No one is burning bras, but a female power is definitely surging. 

It's inspiring to see women helping each other. Too often there is animosity in the estrogen world. As SNL's Nasim Pedrad playing Arianna Huffington so eloquently put it during Weekend Update, "Nobody hates women more than other women." It's tragic, but often true.

So when I see a growing female community effort, it excites me.

There's something, though, that often bothers me when it comes to "feminism." It's treated like it's a bad, or frivolous, or eccentric hobby. While delivered with a wry smile, a man saying, "Oh, you're suuuch a feminist!" offends me. It's clear that these comments are somewhat deflection tactics; men are, unfortunately, intimidated by independent, intellectual, empowered women.

Here's what I'm thinking:

The feminism we're seeing right now is not misandry, so men, please don't mistake our empowerment for man-shaming. I think the trend we're seeing right now is equality. My creative sister will often say, "I'm not a feminist, I am a supporter of equality, empowerment, and community," which I find so refreshing.

It's not about drawing a divisive line between men and women. It's about treating women as if there need not be a line in the first place.

If you want to know more about what's happening in the world of "feminism," please check out these sites:

DARLING Magazine
The Lean In movement
SoulPancake and Darling teamed up for a great series, That's What She Said

People-Pleasing

I read this amazingly relatable post on Darling Magazine the other day on being a "yes-woman" too much. So often, I feel the need to make others happy because it makes me feel good. But I didn't realize that it could also inhibit me from being my happiest. It feels good to please others; a sense of accomplishment, loyalty, even love accompany extending your help. Extending yourself too far, though, can get tiring and eventually less fulfilling.

This really hit home:

"It [can be] less about selflessness and more about an unhealthy need to make sure all of those around us are taken care of and satisfied. Underneath everything is a fear of rejection and a yearning for outside validation."

I see a lot of fellow women spreading themselves thing, overworking to prove that they are capable, valuable, needed. And we shouldn't have to feel like we are proving ourselves. Getting praise from others is great, but not the ultimate reward.

Being at peace with ourselves and what we have to offer to the world should be enough. To please others, it looks like we have to be pleased with ourself first. So, let's to it!

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Weekend Update: Temporary Goodbyes

I'm back at school and thought I would share something that's not often mentioned: temporary goodbyes are sometimes the most difficult.

It sounds completely insane, because any sensible person would realize that the temporary part means that there will be a future reunion. However, the open-ended nature of a temporary goodbye leaves more of a grey-area abyss while the permanent goodbye solidly closes the door. The permanent goodbye, with its grimace-inducing finality, actually facilitates a quicker recovery. Since it's permanent, things aren't going to change, and you therefore accept the reality quite quickly.

The temporary goodbye often includes the phrase, "I'll see you soon," and rarely (at least in my collegiate experience) has a definite future date for being reunited. There is an estimation: perhaps two week, maybe if things get crazy two months, and that indefinite nature is practically impossible. How do you look forward to something like a heartfelt return home when you can't write down the date in your calendar?

Let's face it: seeing someone soon is hardly consolation when they are driving away with the car rearview mirror-obscuringly packed.

When my friend moved to Texas, we kind of just faced the music knowing in our heart of hearts that our teahouse chats were pretty much over. When I leave home after a lengthy, lazy vacation, it feels like my body is actually being ripped from the house unwillingly. I don't know if I'll be home Friday or Saturday and that little vagueness is annoying and difficult.

Instead of having time to recover after a final, permanent goodbye, temporary goodbyes leave everyone in kind of hello/goodbye limbo. This volleying back and forth, home and school, saying see you soon what feels like seconds after saying it's so good to see you! is harder.

And so when I left for spring semester, it was significantly tougher to say my temporary goodbyes because the moment you say them, there's anticipation for the non-established (but implied) reunion. Call it weakness, call it metathesiophobia; the temporary goodbye pulls at your heartstrings a little harder than the good old permanent goodbye.

Photo via Instagram