Girl Talk: On Reticence

I was part of the University's English Undergraduate Conference at the end of spring semester, and I had a really thought-provoking conversation with one of our faculty that keeps being relevant every day since. . . .

After attending several sessions throughout the day, Judith and a colleague mentioned the prevalence of modest apologies coming from the women. Without fail, the women presenting prefaced their papers with apologies for language and content. Even if quoting directly as support for their papers, women felt the need to apologize for swearing, use of "crude language," or discussing sex and violence. 

Meanwhile, the men (and I must admit, we attract far less men in the English department) confidently went forth with coarse language and content. There was no obligation, whether real or perceived, to justify what they said. 

Judith said after, "I was stunned by the compulsion to apologize for presenting intellectually provoking idea. And then I realized that they were all women. It's 2014 here; what's the issue?"

And really, what is the issue? I completely understand practicing modesty, and I think being a "class-act" is rarified these days (do I sound old or what?). However, I continually find myself frustrated that women feel as though they must comply to a different set of social/behavioral standards; and on the flip side, I'm appalled that men think they are exempt from polite behavior. 

It would be so nice to see a social setting in which both men and women were playing by the same rules. It would also be quite shocking, no? What do you think you would see that was different? I'd love your thoughts!

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"So...what is college really like?"

I've been asked this questions for several years now by grandparents, small children, and educated professionals alike, and my response is generally consistent. Normal. I read, write, eat, and then read and write some more. (Mostly read.)

With the incredibly cold weather that started over the weekend, all classes were cancelled Monday and this morning, so I'm sure my aforementioned questioners are really confused now. I'd feel so cool if I could relate my college life to those hipsters with fabulously 'real lives' on GIRLS (kind of, it would be a little on the icky/TMI side) or the academic all-star with obscene amounts of time to be awesome and social Rory Gilmore, but in all honesty, it's just not that glamorous, which is fine. I guess.

Especially in the Midwest, a large portion of the school year takes place when the weather is so ungodly cold just going to class is an adventure. After several freeze-thaw sessions, the desire to go live it up in -10 air temp at a frat house with sweaty/chilly people seriously declines. You wake up in the cold dark and go to bed in the cold dark, and in general, your classrooms are kind of cold and kind of dark.

Now, don't get the idea that I go to some crappy, underfunded university. It's just the Minnesota reality.

So when school was cancelled, you know what I did? Pretty much the same thing per usual. I was confined to the indoors with copious notes and stacks of books, my fingers drying and cracking as paper wicked away any remaining oils and moisture my skin had managed to retain.

Again, read, write, eat, read and write some more. What I did yesterday, what I do everyday.

And let me tell you: It's the best. It's like an extended vacation, just with deadlines and grades. Ignore the sitcoms and feature films; academia is incredibly monotonous but insanely fun, and reading all day has become delightfully underrated, so now all my crazy fellow english majors are kind of hipsters by default.

So maybe we are the new GIRLS?

Photo: Abby Carlson Instagram

Welcome, School Year!

And we're back to the grind! After my second day of classes, I can officially say that my semester will be most informative, thought-provoking, and enjoyable. All general have been completed, and major and minor classes are all that await me, which is so, so glorious! To focus solely on your passion is a dream.

It also appears that with a full schedule, more friends moving to my area, new friends, jobs and other activities, I will be booked to the max. You'll probably be busy, too.

Here are some past posts that might help with the upcoming chaos:

Stress: A Story of Frenemies

Dealing with Difficult Group Members

Kurt Vonnegut's lovely assignment letter to students.

You love you're roommates, but we all need alone time.

Let's talk productivity, while we're at it.

What does your upcoming semester look like? Daunting? Relaxed? 

Photo via Abby Carlson Instagram (@abbyacarlson)

{Weekend Update}...Big Girls

My beloved Minneapolis (this is from early spring thaw).

After turning a momentous age last Sunday, Abby and I (along with our parents, naturally) went to St. Paul to sign our lease on our new apartment for the school year! It felt very exciting and mature, because we are no longer in an apartment complex, nor are we living with hundreds of students our age. It is in a small, residential neighborhood, complete with a gazebo-topped park. It's pretty much romantically picturesque. With a local market and butcher shop, a cafe that could become my "regular", and scenic shops, I'm feeling at home and I haven't even moved it yet! It feels very adult.

While in the cities, we decided to make a day of it, shopping and eating on Grand Avenue with a pitstop to the Rosedale Mall. (We much prefer this one over MOA.) It has seemed like eternity since the weather felt like summer, today being no different, but Friday and the rest of the weekend was a gorgeous combination of food, sun, travel, and family.

Our new favorite restaurant on Grand Ave. –– Salut.
Pictured here: Ze French Onion Soup

And our best kept secret of the Chippewa Valley––Foster Cheese Haus

That Summer Snooze

Perhaps I deal with it more than most people because of my college lifestyle. My mother is a teacher, and Abby & I are still in school, so when summer roles around, it's glorious! Hours spent lounging around outside in the sun, baking everyday, reading oodles of books; and then a couple weeks go by.

I'm not trying to look a gift horse in the mouth––I know that someday I will not be this lucky. I will have a job for which I will be required to work at least forty hours per week with Saturday and Sunday off, every month, all year. So I'm really not complaining (I promise)! But after awhile, every day becomes just like the last and just like the next.

Life gets predictable. And you suddenly crave something different. That's why vacations are so incredible. I got giddy today when I found out I'd be working more than usual next week, because it was changed things up. That notorious summer boredom has sadly crept upon us...

The school year is very industrious, so the transition to doing nothing all day can be jarring. I clean, I read, I practice piano (the poor ears of my family and neighbors!). I try to fill my day to the brim, but alas, that lull happens.

I'd love your advice here! How do I keep enjoying the relaxing days of summer without getting a tiny bit bored! I miss the excitement of Minneapolis, but realize that where ever I was, things would still be highly similar. How do you stay amused, active, and still totally loungey?

Photo via @classickitsch Instagram, Abby Carlson

New House! (Kind of)

I no longer need to fret! After a few months of scouring the internet and many emails, I have a place for next year and am thrilled! Abby and I, along with our roommate McKenna have gradually moved from dorm, to apartment complex, to a unit in a house! We are so excited to live in a house in a neighborhood, with a yard. Also, there is a gazebo in a small park just across the street from us! I am just swooning over this new place! 

P.S. It looks like Abby and I will be sharing a bedroom...would you share a room as an adult?

Image via here

Do You Still Like Chivalry?

Despite living in the Midwest, I find the whole "Minnesota nice" thing somewhat absent. Most of the time, people are rushing across the cross walks, busting through bus doors hoping to the first one to get a seat, or dashing into the elevator. People even seem to be anxious to get in and out of classrooms first. But the other day a class mate actually held the door open for me as I was leaving class. And it was so refreshing. I felt so pampered, because that never happens on a college campus.

So. Lots of people ask if chivalry is dead. I think not. My question is, does it matter? With women craving strict equality, should we encourage old fashioned ideals? I have to admit, I really enjoy when a man holds the door, lets you go first, pays for the first date, etc. I know I'm capable of opening a door, but it's nice to be pampered.

And...if you're not for the whole man-kindness thing, we should implement this for everyone. Hold the door for the woman straggling behind you, let the other guy go first on the bus when it's cold. Be nice. Chivalry is not dead. Nor is it confined.

P.S. Hugh Jackman is the most chivalrous celebrity, don't you agree?
Photo via

{Weekend Update}...College n' Stuff

Back to the ol' grind...After my first week back at school, I was feeling totally exhausted. But thanks to a wonderfully relaxing, somewhat decadent weekend, I'm feeling pretty rejuvenated. I lounged around my apartment with soft blankets and good stories. Abby made pizzas and my roommates and I had a Grey's Anatomy marathon weekend.

Remember when "seriously" was the biggest catchphrase in the country? I miss that.

P.S. I met Garrison Keillor! A pretty rad dude. I hope you had a weekend filled with homemade delights, beautiful words, and lovely people.

Photos via Instagram

A Radio Voice, Red Shoes, and Poetry

I'm quite excited today, because after a long day of classes I get to see one of the most iconic radio voices of America, or at least the Midwest. Garrison Keillor, beloved host of The Prairie Home Companion, will be at Coffman Memorial Union on campus tonight! At the bookstore, he will be hosting tonight's poetry reading for the winners of the James Wright Prize for Poetry. While we aren't the most avid MPR listeners, Abby and I are anxious to see a radio legend. Plus, he is known for wearing red sneakers to every event, in any outfit. Pretty chic. 

Perhaps I could get his autograph? Or a cell phone picture - they are supposedly the autograph of the 21st Century. 

Photo via flickr

House Hunters

Abby, my roommate McKenna, and I are currently in the process of looking for rental houses. Although we live in busy Minneapolis this year, and love it, we're all ready to move to the quiet, more residential St. Paul. We long for a back yard and free parking!

It's crazy how difficult it can be, though. The St. Paul market, like the neighborhoods, are relaxed. Leases start at random times throughout the year and it's kind of a free for all. We're keeping our fingers crossed in the hopes that an adorable, affordable house turns up!

Walk On

Surprise, surprise... one of my New Year's resolutions this year is to get back into really great shape. Okay, let's be honest. I really just want to be a little healthier. As a college student, it's really easy to feel like you don't have time to work out, you don't have money to buy the more expensive, healthy food, etc. But I walk all over campus. So I'm going to start tracking how much I move through out the day. I'm also going to see how I can tailor my days to work with exercise. So I downloaded this pedometer app, because it was free. My mom used to wear a pedometer, and my bike had a fancy one. They're amazing, don't you think? We walk all over creation, so we should feel proud at the end of the day that we actually did that much! I have yet to try the app, but I'd love your suggestions on what you do to stay active!

Do You Take Every Job?

Here's what I've wondered for a long time: what jobs do or don't you take? In high school, everyone kind of works the same job, whether it be fast food joints or retail chains at the local mall; but when you're in college, or just out, do you still take jobs like that?

For example, does a poli-sci major work at Target throughout college (having a discount can be so incredibly God-sent for college kids), or do you hold out for a job more within your field? I'm an English major and I just got my first writing gig, but I still work at Old Navy. My sister, Abby, works at Gap even though she's studying Interior Design.

In the end, money is money, right? But will future employers within your chosen field care that you can fold clothes perfectly, or scan item amazingly fast? I'd love your thoughts on this. What do you do? Yes to everything, or wait for the perfect job?

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Letters of Knowledge

As the semester is wrapping up, I wanted to share a little something with you readers. . . My English professor read this to us and I thought it was delightful. Kurt Vonnegut wrote his assignments to students as letters, for them to be both person, instructive, etc. Below is the final assignment for his class "Form of Fiction". The second paragraph and the second-to-last paragraph are wonderful; notice, also, that he calls his students beloved. I find that endearing, quirky, and a tribute to his teaching. Enjoy!

--------

FORM OF FICTION TERM PAPER ASSIGNMENT

November 30, 1965

Beloved:

This course began as Form and Theory of Fiction, became Form of Fiction, then Form and Texture of Fiction, then Surface Criticism, or How to Talk out of the Corner of Your Mouth Like a Real Tough Pro. It will probably be Animal Husbandry 108 by the time Black February rolls around. As was said to me years ago by a dear, dear friend, “Keep your hat on. We may end up miles from here.”

As for your term papers, I should like them to be both cynical and religious. I want you to adore the Universe, to be easily delighted, but to be prompt as well with impatience with those artists who offend your own deep notions of what the Universe is or should be. “This above all ...”

I invite you to read the fifteen tales in Masters of the Modern Short Story (W. Havighurst, editor, 1955, Harcourt, Brace, $14.95 in paperback). Read them for pleasure and satisfaction, beginning each as though, only seven minutes before, you had swallowed two ounces of very good booze. “Except ye be as little children ...”

Then reproduce on a single sheet of clean, white paper the table of contents of the book, omitting the page numbers, and substituting for each number a grade from A to F. The grades should be childishly selfish and impudent measures of your own joy or lack of it. I don’t care what grades you give. I do insist that you like some stories better than others.

Proceed next to the hallucination that you are a minor but useful editor on a good literary magazine not connected with a university. Take three stories that please you most and three that please you least, six in all, and pretend that they have been offered for publication. Write a report on each to be submitted to a wise, respected, witty and world-weary superior.

Do not do so as an academic critic, nor as a person drunk on art, nor as a barbarian in the literary market place. Do so as a sensitive person who has a few practical hunches about how stories can succeed or fail. Praise or damn as you please, but do so rather flatly, pragmatically, with cunning attention to annoying or gratifying details. Be yourself. Be unique. Be a good editor. The Universe needs more good editors, God knows.

Since there are eighty of you, and since I do not wish to go blind or kill somebody, about twenty pages from each of you should do neatly. Do not bubble. Do not spin your wheels. Use words I know.

poloniøus

---

Kurt Vonnegut: Letters, edited by Dan Wakefield. Delacorte Press.

Letter text via

Photo via

Stress: A Story of Frenemies

I was at a meeting the other night that discussed stress and its role in our lives. I heard some interesting things . . . People were saying, "Stress is just part of college,"; "it motivates me when I feel anxious,"; "if you're not stressed, you're doing something wrong."

Yikes!

My Story: When I was a Freshman (not all that long ago!) I was a homework machine. Nothing could stop me from getting everything done. Yeah, I was that efficient. But a large part of my productivity stemmed from stress. 

At first, this relationship with stress was lighthearted, no strings attached. It helped me get motivated; it made the stakes a little higher when there was that "slightly off" feeling pushing me to get things done. Being anxious made me faster, adding an element of discomfort dying to be balanced. Generally, stress and I got along just fine. 

And then after several months together the relationship went sour.

My twin sister started urging me to "just take a break"and relax. My friends reminded me that taking a brain hiatus was important; Mom and Dad called asking if I was okay; I had seemed frazzled last time I was home. 

The truth? I was.

Before I knew it, stress had turned on me. Ignoring my issue, I kept adding more to my plate, never resting, and soon I was overwhelmed. I was drowning. I was a completely different person. Suddenly, I didn't love school anymore; I was obsessed. I wan't happy; I was anxious. Ultimately, I worked myself into a state of bewilderment, and it took its toll. By the end of the year, I was totally exhausted, feeling defeated despite an academically good year. 

The strange part? It took months of crying with Mom, hours of complaining to my sister for me to even realize that stress had started hurting me. And then I finally changed. I started telling myself it was okay to take a break; prioritizing makes life easier. Making decisions (hard for someone like me) became essential and I started having balance again. 

So I'm wondering . . . what role does stress play in your life? I'd love to hear your story! How do you deal? What gets you motivated?