Girl Talk: On Reticence

I was part of the University's English Undergraduate Conference at the end of spring semester, and I had a really thought-provoking conversation with one of our faculty that keeps being relevant every day since. . . .

After attending several sessions throughout the day, Judith and a colleague mentioned the prevalence of modest apologies coming from the women. Without fail, the women presenting prefaced their papers with apologies for language and content. Even if quoting directly as support for their papers, women felt the need to apologize for swearing, use of "crude language," or discussing sex and violence. 

Meanwhile, the men (and I must admit, we attract far less men in the English department) confidently went forth with coarse language and content. There was no obligation, whether real or perceived, to justify what they said. 

Judith said after, "I was stunned by the compulsion to apologize for presenting intellectually provoking idea. And then I realized that they were all women. It's 2014 here; what's the issue?"

And really, what is the issue? I completely understand practicing modesty, and I think being a "class-act" is rarified these days (do I sound old or what?). However, I continually find myself frustrated that women feel as though they must comply to a different set of social/behavioral standards; and on the flip side, I'm appalled that men think they are exempt from polite behavior. 

It would be so nice to see a social setting in which both men and women were playing by the same rules. It would also be quite shocking, no? What do you think you would see that was different? I'd love your thoughts!

Photo via

Can You FEEL a Book?

MIT's Media Lab is developing a book that allows you to feel the story, as opposed to read the story (although, I feel books when I read them, don't you?). The MIT project "relies on extra-lexical components like sound, temperature control, vibration, and ambient lighting to tell its stories. It's creators call it 'sensory fiction,'" which allows readers to physically feel the experience by wearing a vest that simulates heartbeat and shivering. 

The development is kind of a hybrid of book and video game.

This is so interesting and I want to know more! Yet I'm somewhat hesitant about turning the reading experience, which is so organic and uniquely personal, a truly imaginative activity, into a mechanized (and somewhat homogenized) immersion. The beauty of reading is the power words alone have to affect us, the reader. Making is a sensory-stimulated experience somewhat undercuts that genius that is the book, don't you think?

I'd love your thoughts on this! What and exciting, and also unnerving development!

Via The Atlantic

"I'm sorry, but..."

I'm sorry, but what's with that phrase that so sneakily introduced my sentence? This vocabulary phenomenon has become rampant––noticeably among the twenty-something female population (myself included). Similar to the "I feel like" verbal tick, "I'm sorry, but" is a weak way of introducing a topic of conversation, debate, or simply intrigue. It's a little depressing that so many young, intelligent women are compelled to qualify their thoughts in such a self-depricating manner. Why are you apologizing for your rational, even emotional opinions? They are valid, seeing as you are a human being with the right to your personal beliefs, notions, and propositions.

Here are some abridged examples of "I'm sorry, but..." that I've said or heard recently:

"I'm sorry, but I wouldn't want to be objectified like that." (In reference to the notorious 'hot bartender' myth on campuses and television.)

"I'm sorry, but...starving yourself isn't a 'healthy lifestyle' [air quotes used here]." (A discussion about highly restricted dieting and juicing.)

"I'm sorry, but I don't have the energy to deal with drama."

In reference to a friend looking for a job: "I'm sorry, but having experience––even though it's not your ideal job––is only going to help you."

"I'm sorry, but when did being an intelligent, self-respecting woman become so taboo?"

Women of the twenty-something group: we are better than this! We don't need to apologize! Most of the time, what you are saying, what I am saying, we are saying is true, insightful, brilliant, or amusing. There is no reason we should say "sorry" for contributing to the conversation!

Photo via Instagram

Accessory Specs

My beautiful sister, Abby, with her cool (real) frames.

Would you wear non-prescription glasses? I've worn glasses since third grade, as has every family member. My mom and dad, though, have both undergone LASIK eye surgery, which now allows them to swim with their eyes open and read the alarm clock the minute they open their eyes!

Mom especially emphasizes how it changed her life, how liberating it was to not wear glasses or contacts. (I still remember her flushing down her lenses!) But one of my favorite accessories is my glasses. I love trying on different frames, and Abby says she dreams of having a small "glasses closet" to switch up her style! 

If I were to ever get LASIK eye surgery, I'd still be tempted to wear glasses without prescription lenses on the days I feel like mixing it up. Bottom line, if you've never needed glasses, it's pretty silly; if you wear glasses, get tons of frames; if you once wore glasses, go for it! Who will ever know?

Would you wear fake frames?

P.S. My eyesight is so poor, I can only get lenses made through my regular optometrist  However, my friend is obsessed with her Warby Parkers!

Work Friends

Ultimate work friends.

When I come home over the summer and vacations I also return to my hometown job. I get to see all my work friends, and we chat away about how the last few months have been. But I rarely hang with these friends outside the workplace; we don't text while I'm away, nor do we make any efforts to truly stay in touch.

Recently, our managers organized a "team bowling night" to ignite the get-to-know-you vibe in all of us. We were told to not talk about work ––at all!

Example: I know who is good at what at work, I know everyone's name, I know the songs on our playlist they love and which they hate. But I don't know them exactly.

As of a few weeks ago I decided to buckle down and be "real friends" with some of my "work friends," which has been a delight! I get to ask them great stuff when I go into work, keeping our job light. Yeah, we deal with our tasks, but we also get to chat about life, family, upcoming plans. It's a blast to get to know your co-workers in a new light.

I'm curious? Do you hang with friends outside of work? If you were to sit down with them, would you immediately talk about work, or would you both talk about your personal lives? 

Driving and Cities

Do you live in a big city and still drive? I know a lot of people in NYC don't drive, and even don't own a car, because public transportation is so great. Likewise, I know buses, taxis, and walking are popular in Chicago. My first two years at college, I relied on walking and buses to get around the Twin Cities; this can be somewhat difficult, though, since it can take an hour with connecting stops to get from campus to Grand Ave.

Abby and I have talked about brining a vehicle to the cities. This way we could actually buy ice cream at the grocery store! We could get two gallons of milk, frozen pizzas, etc. It would also be nice so we could go wherever, whenever!

But I have some reservations. First off, our vehicle (which currently is at our parent's house) is quite large. It feels powerful on the interstate, but is a beast to park. Moreover, it guzzles gas. Not the most ideal situation for a tight-fisted college student. When we add up insurance, gas, parking (meters are everywhere in the cities!), along with the anxiety of driving in the cities, it feels overwhelming!

Do you have any advice for driving in big cities? Everything is so incredibly fast-paced, close quarters, and generally confusing! Obviously, it will take practice, but I would love you input! Is a car a pro or con in big cities?

Photo via Flickr

Must-See Movies

Speaking of movies, here are some films that I've either been meaning to see or am anticipating.

1. "Fruitvale Station" looks tragically insightful and human. Jamie Foxx called it "a movie for the ages."

2. The newest Woody Allen film "Blue Jasmine" is a loosely-based 21st Century A Streetcar Named Desire, but does not act like an impostor. Cate Blanchett, who played Blanche on broadway, apparently gives an electrifying performance as she slides from her economically high tower.

3. William Shakespeare and Joss Whedon finally meet as primarily sci-fi guru tackles "Much Ado About Nothing." The film isn't a period piece, but uses the original text, which makes it fun. As always, Whedon sticks with some of his classic mainstay heavy-weights like Nathan Fillion and Alexis Denisof. With a cast like that, it's got to be good.

4. Yes, I'm J.T. obsessed, but "Inside Llewyn Davis" looks great! ("Runner Runner" may, too, be good.) The Coen Brothers are almost always a sure hit, and Carey Mulligan has been on fire lately, so my hopes are high! Anticipated the end of this year!

5. Last, but not least, Joseph Gordon-Levitt wrote and directed "Don Jon," which has been previewing in theaters for several months. With all the build-up, I'm hoping it's good. The preview is intriguing, and Levitt does not usually disappoint. With multi-talented and a smart actor/writer/director, the film has the potential to be huge.

What movies have you seen this summer that you would recommend? I have some free time coming up, so I'd love your suggestions! Furthermore, do you have any other suggestions for upcoming films? I'm often out of the loop for forthcoming projects, so give the details!

Photo via Tom Spaulding Flickr

Multiple Personalities

Long, long ago at The Guthrie

Are you a different you while at work? Once you're home, do you transform into another variation of self? I have found that while working, I am uncharacteristically chipper girl, a smile bubbling right off my pink cheeks. I speak at a higher pitch, and faster pitch as a cheerfully greet every customer that walks through the door and convince shoppers that they need a brand credit card.

In classes, my personality subdues into a calm and cool intellectual demeanor. I am, after all, trying be at my most brilliant. I must admit, though...the now infamous B.R.F often falls across my face as I concentrate! (How embarrassing!) And even more surprising is the fact that I can become timid or introverted in a classroom of peers, which is quite unusual for me.

And at home. Yes, ah, breath a sigh of relief. Relax. My voice returns to a sane timbre, my goofy side appears, my sarcastic wit emerges from deep inside and some snarky commentary on whatever current television program commences, and hearty laughs erupt.

(When I babysit, I'm an affectionate, cuddly, smily girl that keeps her cool when bloody knees appear. Running errands, I am the collected, list-lady on a mission. Stern face occasionally included.)

A side note: I am, for the most part, quite genial and am at times delightfully charming. However, I am different versions of myself in every part of my life.

This helps me create some division, as I prefer to keep my personal life separate from my professional life, and so on. In turn, ensures I am consistent in each unique arena. (The other day, I was somewhat distraught in my personal life, but because of my "different hats" my work was normal and no one caught on to any distress.)

Do you experience a change in self as you go from one realm to another in your life? What minor (or major) personality changes usually occur? Are they intentional, and are they helpful? I'd love your thoughts on this unique (personal) phenomenon.

Photo via Abigail Carlson (Classic Kitsch) Instagram @abbyacarlson

Early Bird

Morning sunrise on New Smyrna Beach

Are you an early riser? Abby and I are pretty similar, but as we get older our daily schedules have changed a little. Perhaps it's because for four consecutive semesters I had an eight a.m. class everyday. Whatever the cause, I like to get up a little earlier than Abby or the rest of the house.

We've talked about working alone, but when you live with other people all the time (Abby and I live together at school, as well as when we come home for the summer. It's pretty much a 24/7 partnership.) there's a desire to spend a few moments by yourself. When the sun is rising, the coffee is brewing, there's a very reals sense of calm. It's soothing.

I like staying up late on occasion just as much as the next person, but I much prefer the refreshing part of the morning. I feel productive, energized, and a little more relaxed. Even those exhausting mornings that you want to stay in bed, getting up just to get the mail and pad around in cozy socks can make you feel a little brighter.

Baking with Kids

I always kind of doubted people who said they liked having their kids in the kitchen. To me, it's a pretty adult space, and one that requires safety and some finesse. Hot ovens and stove tops, sharp knives, quickly spinning mixer beaters, so many reasons to be nervous! And then there's the whole mess thing. I like to be pretty tidy when I'm cooking. It keeps me organized as I work methodically through a recipe.

However, I was sitting the three hilarious, upbeat daughters of our family friends, and I thought, "baking with them might be a great project..."

We decided to bake scones, because "Mum can't resist them!" according to the youngest. We whisked the dry ingredients, mixed in the dried fruit, kneaded the dough, and played with the "cloud-like" flour! They even helped zest the lemon, cut the dough into wedges, and brush with melted butter. I could not have asked for better helpers!

My overall take:

While the kitchen was somewhat messier throughout the process, and the scones didn't look "as perfect" as when I meticulously sprinkle the sugar and zest, it was the most fun I've had in a kitchen. And it was hear-warming to see the girls earnestly roll the dough with gentle hands, and delight at the texture of flour in their fists. I can see now why parents like to have kids in the kitchen. They're fascination and love for learning is infectious, and they bake with so much love, everything just tastes better.

Would you bake or cook with kids in the kitchen? Are you someone that would "fix" everything they did once they turned around, or are you content with less attractive, but just as tasty results?

On Being Friends with Your Ex:

It can be difficult, it can impossible, and sometimes it actually works. A large majority mentions that in break ups, the line, "let's stay friends, though" comes up a lot. But does this really stick, or is it an easier way to say goodbye?

You know, like when you graduate and you promise is to stay in touch, but you really know things will just kind of dissipate. It's easier to swallow, and it's kind of a lie. But it's easier.

Many agree that while you vow to be friends, you can never regress from the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. Yes, you can't take back smooches, forget you deepest secrets, or erase all the shared jokes, stories, and favorite movies. And this can be a problem for a lot of people. So here's my story thus far:

Now ages ago, after breaking up with my high school boyfriend, we agreed that being friends was a very viable option for us, because the consensus was that towards the end, we were in more of a "friendship zone", than a relationship zone. The romance had quite naturally (and undramatically) run its course, but we still got along swimmingly.

It seemed so harsh to say, "Well, I'll never speak to you again," because we liked each other as people. Why sever such a unique tie?

To this day we get along very well. In fact, on breaks and holidays, we still get together, we still communicate, and we still laugh at the same jokes and stories.

We share our new tastes in music, suggest movies to each other, and even visit each other's families (my mom still makes him the same dessert she always made him when we dated). The biggest difference is that we don't talk every day, we don't go on dates, we don't kiss. Honestly, so far we have successfully removed the romantic "relationship" parts, maintaining only the good friend stuff.

Have you stayed friends with your ex? Did it work out, or would you advise otherwise? I'd love to hear other stories. Do you think it changes drastically when you begin dating other people?

P.S. Things you say to your friends, and saying "no" to your best friend. 

"I'll Pass" and Other Phrases You Say to Friends

We've talked about saying "no" to your best friend before, but today I'm thinking about all those things you say to your friends that get you out of stuff without being in trouble. I have friends with different interests than me, and that's what keeps our friendship interesting. Being exactly the same would get pretty boring, don't you think?

However, this also means that I am often invited to things that aren't really my scene, whether it be a request to go clubbing or an invite to weekly Bible studies. These leave me stumped sometimes. How do I respond without offending my friend? How do I tell them I'm not interested without reducing their interests? Here are some key phrases that I find are typically used:


1. "I'll pass this time, but let me know the next time it happens." This gets you out on a time-to-time basis with no permanent solution.

2. "Thanks for inviting me, but I'm not sure I'd fit in. It's not really my scene." This acknowledges their kindness in thinking of you, and also lets them know that you're not really interested. However, it can kind of come off as cold. If their you're friends, though, they'll get it and move on.

3. "I'm busy––sorry!" Probably the worst way to respond ever. If you are busy, that's fine. But if you're not, you better find a way to be busy, or you're likely to be found out sooner or later. Do you really want to lie to your friend just so you don't have to listen to country music?

4. Almost as bad as number three is, "Maybe. I'll see if I can make it." This is incredibly vague and tells your friends that their consideration to ask you isn't appreciated and you're not extending the same courtesy to them.

5. "Seriously?" Exploding into the realm of friend-talk ever since Grey's Anatomy, you can use this over-used phrase (I secretly love it.) for sarcasm, anger, disbelief, and excitement. A catch-all, if you will. You avoid asking the first question, and in all likely-hood, it allows for a transition to a new subject.

6. Asking, "Is _________ going to be there?" puts the blame on someone else. You don't have to take the fall for not going. To be honest, it's a pretty cheap and cowardly one to pull, but can almost always garner some sympathy, as the invitee thinks you really want to go, but won't because of someone else. It's lame, don't use it.


Ultimately, it can be really difficult when your interests don't align with your friends. However, the next you're invited to a pole dancing class, Bible Study, or extreme political gathering, being honest might be your best bet. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this? I've encountered this recently with a friend who I don't get to see very often. How do I let her know I still want to see her, just not at this shindig? Any advice for salvaging friendships without going to stuff you don't like?

Image © Sarah Carlson Etc. 

My Double Standard

When it comes to movies and movie-watching behaviors and etiquette, I have an obnoxious double standard. No one, and I mean no one may talk during the movie. The slightest peep could disturb by cinematic experience, even if I've seen the movie 20 times. 

My patience for movie chatter is extremely limited, too. I, along with some poor souls that "used to be my friends" had a movie night over the weekend, and some (you know who you are) discussed everything from toe jam to medical research for the whole two hour movie. Distraught by the incessant murmur, I kept (not so subtly) piping, "Eh–this is my favorite part!!" Advise they, poorly willed, ignored. 

Needless to say, my favorite lines went missed. Those stunning moments of silence, when the soundtrack even stops, were no longer magical. And, my blood pressure steadily rose. 

With that all being said, and it feels good to get it off my chest, I must confess something...

When I watch movies with Abby, we talk. One of the few joys in life is reciting lines from a movie with my sister. I'm usually pretty well-behaved when I'm with others, but for the most part, I love adding my own commentary. 

And when I'm with all my girlfriends, we have a movie playing, but no one is really watching. So yes, I break my own pet peeve, and quite obviously. Perhaps I should feel guilty that while others suffer my wrath as I berate them for talking during a movie night, I chit chat to my heart's content. 

But in all honesty, my double standard will persist, because when it boils down, making exceptions for myself is totally human. And I think everyone is entitled to be the exception now and then.

Do you have double standards? What are some pet peeves that you can't stand? Is it wrong to have a double standard, or just human? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Photo via

Dreamers

Do you dream? So often I would wake in the morning with vivid stories from that night: magical travels with vibrant characters and perplexing places; mixed up realities that made you question the one to which you awoke; dreams I watched but did not act. 

And very rarely did I have nightmares. I just dreamed. 

Recently, though, I find I dream very little. Or at least I don't remember my dreams. I remember asking my mom when I was a child if she remembered her dreams for the night before as I told my crazy tales, and she often said that she couldn't recall any for the life of her. I'm wondering if as we age, our dreams are either less vivid, or less important to us? I believe I dream at night. Every once in awhile I wake up with something amazing, or I remember just one bit of information: the mint green cell phone, the singing library card, the multiplying scones at breakfast. 

I'm a firm believe in the idea that our dreams sort out our everyday lives. My mom used to call it a midnight filling system, where everything that happened that day was finally processed and sorted into our mental filling cabinets. Mine must be overflowing! 

I would like to remember more of my dreams–wouldn't it feel brilliant to say, "Oh, this idea came to me in a dream..."? Perhaps I could keep a dream journal. Do you remember your dreams? Do you value your dreams or think they're just a symptom of eating before bedtime?

Photo via @sarahcarlsonetc Instagram

Do You Write Thank You Notes?

In the age of email, Facebook families, Twitter conversations, and the ever-convenient iMessage, do you still take the time to send out hand-written thank you notes? Even as a little girl, my mom taught me that when someone gives you a gift, does something nice for you, or deserves some heartfelt gratitude, you send a thank you card. To this day, I have a stock pile of pretty blank cards that I can use for thank you notes. (These sweet sparkly ones are actually my moms!) It's quite easy to send a quick text message "thx" (yuck!), or to send someone a little GIF, but it's just not the same. I still get giddy when I see I have post in the mail box! It means a lot to people in this era to write a thank you. 

Plus, stationery is cool! There are so many great paper companies to support in an increasingly paperless world, and I have to think that's pretty awesome. 

Do You Work Alone?

Often time when I'm writing, I'm completely alone. During my internship this semester, I found that I was spending hours and hours researching in my bedroom, typing up drafts at a secluded table at Starbucks, or working at my apartment while everyone was at class. While I was extremely productive, it was lonely, and the creativity that I got from being around others vanished! Plus, working in my bed got to be really weird, because it became a place where I worked and slept.

Today I'm going to a "workspaces event" in my hometown. It's being hosted by our local publication Volume One. It's pretty rad, so I'm going to see how it feels to work in an office style. It's a bunch of freelancers, writers, home-office workers coming together to make a hodge-podge office!

Do you prefer to work alone? Are you someone that needs the occasional personal distraction with office buddies? 

Photo via @classickitsch Instagram

What Does Your Mom Do For You?

My mom does a lot of little things to make me feel really special. She has a trick for knowing when my life is stressful, when I've had a bad day, or when I just need a little extra attention. She knows what to say and when, and has a million surprises up her sleeve for me. Here are some totally endearing, motherly things she does for me that I love.


Even if I've only been home for a weekend, she strips my bed when I leave, so the next time I come home I have crisp, clean sheets. "It's just like a hotel," she says.

We talk almost every night on the phone, but sometimes she sends me cards, because she knows I like getting mail that isn't junk or school-related.

Buys my favorite cereal for when I'm home.

Does my laundry, even when I insist that I do it!

Like so many moms, she loves to spoil me on surprise shopping trips. On a weekend visit, what I had hinted at for my birthday (still a while away!) turned out to be a surprise gift just for fun.

Reads every article I write, no matter how busy she is.

Got an Instagram account so we could "follow" each other's lives in pictures.

Scratches my back at night, just like when I was a little girl.

Is brave enough to say, "Yes, that haircut is really ugly." And then in a wonderfully motherly fashion adds, "But you could never be ugly. You're beautiful."

Records TV programs that I miss, so when I come home I can have TV marathons with her. She will re-watch episodes of the Sunday Morning Show or Fashion Police just so she can watch it with me.

Reminds me that a little gloating is good for you. And if I don't, she'll do it for me.

What does your mom do for you that you love? How does she make you feel special?

What Have You Learned From Your Mom?

Move-in day my Freshman year of college.

Inspired by a wonderful post by Joanna Goddard, I thought I'd share what I've learned from my Mom. She is a really spectacular person, someone I admire most in life. I owe so much to her, and this is what I know. Here are ten things I've learned from my fabulous mother!

1. No matter how tired you are, wash your face every night before you go to bed.

2. Nobody cares if your house is perfect. It shouldn't look like a museum, anyway. It should look like people live there.

3. Chewing your nails is gross, but a near impossible habit to break. (I recently stopped! For good, I think!)

4. There's nothing wrong with being a successful, intelligent woman who still goes gaga over celebrities, reads gossip magazines, and loves a good shopping spree.

5. Clean sheets always make you feel special.

6. Love and hate are very similar, so be careful. Don't waste your passionate energies hating someone, when it's much less tiring (and less dramatic) to simply be indifferent.

7. Family is not determined by blood lines.

8. Wear makeup to enhance your natural beauty; don't use it as a mask, because you are so beautiful already.

9. Men will be stupid sometimes, but that doesn't mean you should give up on all of them.

10. Talk about everything. Especially over coffee.

Would You Wear "Nerd Shirts"?

I'm kind of in love with this New York Times sweatshirt, but I know I'd feel like I was trying to be a hipster, or something. Seriously, I've seen a handful of girls on campus wearing shirts that say, "Party at Gatsby's" in anticipation of the new Baz Luhrmann film. I'm convinced they haven't read the book and are really just swooning over Leo, so it feels a bit like a facade.

But as an English major, I'm always tempted to wear some of my favorite books. Literally wear your hear on your sleeve. My big concern is that wearing a book cover shirt might come off as a bit precocious. I think they would make great gifts for book-worms and wannabe hipsters! What are your thoughts? Is it pretentious? Or can I get away with it without looking like a total book snob?

P.S. Dudes dressing like Gatsby. 

Photo via Pinterest. Anyone know the credits?

What to Do When You Have Nothing to Do

The end of semester is quickly approaching, and to my surprise, I'm not extraordinarily busy! Thanks to planning ahead, and an exam-light (but paper-heavy) major, I have the pleasure of a somewhat flexible schedule! After feeling better from being sick, I was so invigorated I finished things for the week! (Yay, me!) But now I'm feeling–gasp–a bit bored. So. What do you do when your have nothing on the docket (and nothing in your pockets)?

I like to...

take a nap. Surprise.

cook a favorite meal.

create new playlists for future jam sessions.

clean my desktop and folders. (Weird, but so satisfying!)

watch an episode or two of my favorite show. (I try not to binge-watch TV, which is a new thing, apparently.)

journal.

read poems, learn new words, browse the "newly released" section of ads.

mindlessly lift small weights to feel semi-productive.

actively day-dream.

Photo via